


Violent Reaction

by andonlythinkofme



Category: Walking Dead, Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Abuse, F/M, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-17
Updated: 2013-03-17
Packaged: 2017-12-05 12:47:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/723479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andonlythinkofme/pseuds/andonlythinkofme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daryl accidentally hurts a friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Violent Reaction

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING  
> This fic contains self-harm and self-loathing, if that is a trigger for you than I suggest you skip this fic. If not then please continue.

Daryl couldn’t stand it when people breathed down his neck. It reminded him of the past, of someone, usually his Pa but sometimes Merle and sometimes Ma and sometime random people in the neighborhood that thought it was funny to beat on a redneck kid, coming up behind him and grabbing him by the hair, or punching him in the back or kicking at his knees. It was always that moment that got him though. That tiny moment when the small hairs at the back of his neck moved with his attacker’s breath, right before the first hit landed, right before he crumpled to the ground, that breath on his neck hollowed out his stomach. He would know right than that wherever he was, be it his room or in the woods or school, that he was not safe.

Daryl never felt safe.

So when Carol came up behind him, probably intending to ask him about shift changes or something simple like that, Daryl’s arm swung out and hit her square in the face. He hadn’t even realized what he had done until the older woman was lying on the ground, howling in pain.

 “Ow, ow, ow, ow!” She screamed. No one else was around them, the green expanses of the prison yard swallowing up her voice so that only Daryl could hear it. Only Daryl, her unintentional attacker.

He immediately dropped down onto one knee, hands hovering over the woman’s body, afraid to touch her.

“Carol? Woman are ya’ okay?”

“Do I look okay?” She shouted back at him, uncovering her eyes so that she could glare at him. The light blue orbs were squeezed tight, tears welling up in the corners and spilling down her gaunt cheeks. Both of her hands held the bottom half of her face and Daryl thought he could see some red between her fingers.

“Move ya’ hands an’ let me see the damage.” He hid his worry under gruff, demanding words. It was an unconscious move on his part, just like the elbow to the face. He didn’t realize it was happening until after it was over, it was just something that he did. The force of his words had a physical effect on the woman. Carol’s entire body curled away from him. He recognized that particular defense move immediately. It was something he had done several times as a child after his father hit him, if he lay down for long enough his father would just leave him alone.

Daryl had never hated himself so much. His hands, still out above Carol, quickly retracted. He curled his hands into fists and slammed them to the side of his face. The resulting pain squinted his eyes. It wasn’t enough. He felt disgust, stomach twisting, mind freezing disgust. How could he hurt Carol? A woman so sweet, so kind that she could bear to spend extended periods of time with him, something his own family couldn’t do. Never mind that it wasn’t intentional. Never mind that it was just as much a reflex for him as Carol’s fetal position was for her. It was still Daryl who hurt her. He nailed himself in the face again, hoping to draw blood from his nose or bust his lip, maybe even lose a tooth.

“What, what are you doing? Daryl! Stop that right now!” Small hands grabbed at him, trying to stop the abuse.

“I didn’ mean to.” Daryl looked down at the crushed grass beneath their bodies. His knees were protesting at the weight of staying crouched down. Daryl welcomed the pain. Any pain that would make him feel better.

“Look. Daryl look!  It’s not so bad. Please stop.” Carol pleaded with him, her little hands still clasping his arm. Slowly Daryl raised his eyes so he could see her through the fringe of his oily brown hair. Her face cut the haze of his self-loathing. It really wasn’t so bad, a bit of redness to the right of her nose and some blood on her upper lip. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to make Daryl rip his arm from Carol and smack himself on the head again. Stars burst behind his eyes. The world tilted and a sob escaped him.

“I didn’ mean to, Carol.”

“I know. I know I shouldn’t have snuck up on you like that. Please stop.”

Daryl did, but not because Carol asked him to. He stopped because her words were a blow in and of itself.

“Don’ blame ya’self, woman!” He said fiercely, falling back so that he could sit instead of crouch, putting him on equal level to Carol.

“I got no excuse. I shoulda’ known it was ya’. I’m real, I’m just real sorry.”

Carol stared at him long and hard. She took in his hunched body, the curve to his face that showed disgust, anger, and most of all, pain. Then she smiled.

“I’m not trying to blame myself. There is no blame.” She said.

“I did something stupid and you did something stupid. I know you wouldn’t have done it if you had seen me coming, Daryl. I know. You just reacted. God knows your reactions have kept us all alive. Please don’t beat yourself up. You didn’t mean it right?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re sorry?”

“Yeah.”

“Then I’m good. We’re good.”

They both sat there in the waning daylight. A bruise would probably form on Carol’s face and one would definitely materialize on Daryl’s. The tender skin beneath his eye, already turning purple would testify that a Dixon knew when they were wrong, and had no problem paying for it. Daryl kept this thought to himself. He knew Carol would not appreciate it.

“Daryl?”

He looked at her again. The grey of her hair appeared almost silver in the last glow of the sun.

“We’re good.” She repeated. Daryl couldn’t say he actually felt the words, but he spared the woman a small smile which she gladly accepted and returned. It made him feel marginally better. If Carol could forgive him, maybe he could forgive himself. 


End file.
